Where I am vs where I've been...
Updated: Jul 5, 2021
What an interesting year it's been. The pandemic has truly taken it's toll on our sanity, as a society, and I feel that it's pushed many of us to our limits when it comes to general morality. Harsh, right? But I know you feel it too; the way society has shifted, like the Earth has tilted ever-so-slightly on it's axis. There is a bitterness that has clung to the air like a thick fog and it's kept my head in a really strange place.
Rewind to one year ago.
The pandemic was at it's peak. We had no cure in sight. Masks were the new normal, children were stuck schooling from home - and worse of all - people were dying. Over the course of the pandemic, I lost two. A close friend, and my grandmother. Though neither of these deaths were covid related, the pandemic put a lot of strain on my ability to grieve.
In June of 2020, I discovered that my grandmother had been diagnosed with cancer. By August, she was gone - and I was left picking up a lot of pieces that I didn't feel capable of handling. While planning her funeral, settling her final wishes, and plotting out the specifics of her burial, I neglected to indulge in my grief. I told myself that there was too much to do. Too much to plan. Stay strong for everyone else. Put on your nicest mask and just get through it. In reality, this left me with a lot of mental weight that I've been carrying all year.
When I'm sad, I don't lay in bed and cry. I don't sit on the couch with a pint of Ben and Jerrys and a chick flick. No, when I'm sad - I take action. I find a healthy outlet that allows me to express my emotions in a way that might help others. I'm still not quite sure how it happened, but after her burial was complete and my life resumed - I began building a world that you now know as "The Channel". It started out as a crazy idea that shot through me like lightning. In fact, I remember exactly where I stood when that bolt struck; I was trembling, with 50lbs on my back, pushing through a final set of squats at the gym. Right when I racked my weight, I pulled my phone from my bag and added a single line into my notes app: The Channel - unified dimensions.
Fast forward to today.
The Channel feels like a home to me. I know all of it's little corners and quirks. I've made a family from my characters, who I now know more than some of my true blood relatives. I've completed a book that captures a lot of my personal expressions of loss, confusion, and the anxieties of surviving in a world where you don't feel that you belong - while also building a story that I hope others will connect with the way I have.
The Channel was my coping mechanism, crafted from the emotions that ignited during what was probably the hardest year of my life. I am by no means an author... but this story is real, to me at least. It's a place I know I can go when I'm stressed or afraid or alone, and I hope that it will become a safe place for you too.
As of right now, The Channel has entered it's first stage of editing. And to be honest, I'm terrified. But I'm so eager to get this project off the ground and into your hands so that I can share this insane neon world with you.
Updates to come. Until then, thanks so much for taking the time to stop by. For updates, please be sure to follow my associated social media accounts.
So much love,